This first post will be absolutely all over the place and I make no apologies. Sometimes you have to let your fingers fly and be ok with the outcome, no matter how shitty it comes out. As I’ve cleverly added a tagline to this blog – embracing the dirt – I plan on embracing my own, my community’s, hell – the world’s. I think through this severely too tight of a hug we can learn a lot about ourselves and others. That isn’t to say that I’ll be “the world sucks, we are going to die!” in every post – I have hope in humanity. Sometimes this hope is the tiniest sliver but it refuses to be killed off.
It has been 3 years since I’ve written anything publically resulting in more than a Facebook status. Let’s say the past year has led me back to my own journal for rage fits and sorrowful pleas to whatever Spirit out there to help the US escape the hellfire we have doused with gasoline (because let’s be honest, we have never been “great”).
Even before 45’s presidency, I found myself in a deep abyss despite finding a short ladder out for about 6 months. All the negative habits came back with fuller force and wanted to eradicate my spirit. I’m not going to sugarcoat my journey or imply it was “divinely” orchestrated – because that would be a bitch of a God. I do believe that beauty can come out of the grimiest pits if you are one of lucky ones to make it out alive.
Thank God for friends (aka chosen family). The close ones that let you know it is perfectly normal to have a “go bag” in your car – they are also stockpiling food and considering wilderness survival training courses. The ones who let you rage out for 30 minutes and then say you need Charlie cuddles. These cuddles are amazingly effective in calming the internal debris spiral. The ones who love you not in spite of your sadness, but because it makes you a real, flawed, and empathetic human being. Their love is unconditional.
Finally, I hope this is a place for storytelling, art, conversations, speaking truth to bullshit while remaining civil (as Saint Brené Brown commands us). I’m currently on the journey to learn how others have embraced the dirt and continued to pursue, find, and secure hope in the darkness. I want to find people that have committed their lives to service (broadly defined) and find out how they landed in their projects/paths/etc. I want to know what their good, bad and mediocre days look and feel like. Fair warning, if you are one of those people, be ready for my email, text or call. I’m interested and I want to learn.