Will it ever be easy again?
Will I ever be able to discard my skepticism towards a religion I once adored?
Why did I land on this path? Why have I consistently left and returned?
Why do I seek newness in the familiar?
Should I look elsewhere or is that giving in to the easy way?
Does it matter when all religions, in my mind, point to the same, living entity?
How do I see the beauty and the dysfunction with equal ease?
Have I done anything to move toward change? Am I not as guilty for saying all the things that “should” be done – rather than actually doing them?
Where would I begin? Should I begin?
I love sermons where wisdom, mercy and kindness reign.
I love small groups where judgment, at least outward judgment, is left in the parking lot.
I love Jesus – the radical Middle Eastern socialist that called into question the powers that be.
I love his words, his life, and I am stricken by his ultimate sacrifice for a world filled with greed.
I love growing in knowledge to where, when, and why these texts where written, rather than believing they landed on earth with a heavenly thud.
I also love the teachings of the Buddha and many other spiritual teachers.
What does this make me?
I used to love liturgy.
The bowing, the crossing, the kneeling – all postures that once held richness in the service.
Why does it all feel dead?
When I’m on my yoga mat the exact same postures steadily hold meaning.
What has changed?
I would love to not sit in a pew alone.
Yet when given the opportunity for fellowship – it’s a 50/50 chance I’ll shrink away.
I wish the pews weren’t whitewashed.
Will Sunday segregation ever end?
I would love a pew made of dirt, leaves and found under a tree.
Communion held in a home where real food and drink were shared.
A community known as a blessed place of rest to the entire city.
A building used every moment of every day to provide a need.
People intentionally moving closer to each other – knowing good well it will be even harder to love each other up close, to love all the dirt and grim and filth we think we hide behind our doors.
To be a community every single day.
Is this even possible in the world today?
“The human ego prefers anything, just about anything, to falling, or changing, or dying. The ego is that part of you that loves the status quo – even when it’s not working. It attaches to past and present and fears the future.”
― Richard Rohr